Why save something so sad

I wish I could turn invisible but
I have to wear my pajamas and
show up at your doorway crying,
three in the morning, full of shame
and wishing I could give you
something more worthwhile
for your time. And you say, "I hate
to see you upset," like I hate to see
the sky grey on Halloween and like
I hate other things that I haven't
learned yet because I don't know
myself in this place or anywhere really.