Suckerpunch - Chapter I

Cellphone:      bzzzzz bzzzzz             bzzzzz

SAM:               grrrmmmrrrrrrr…

Cellphone:      click.

SAM:               Hello?

LUCY OS:        SAM. So, you’re alive. That’s positive. I’d started to think you’d just become one with that disgusting bed of yours.

SAM:               What? What time is it?

LUCY:              Four p.m. Dude, nobody’s seen you in a month. What the hell.

SAM:               A… what?

LUCY:              A month! Are you at home?

SAM:               What day is it?

LUCY:              It’s the Fourth of July, honey.

SAM:               But… What?! It’s… JULY?!

LUCY:              See, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. Listen, where are you, I’ll come over.

SAM:               Uh…

Lucy probably couldn’t remind me enough. Again, again, again, please remind me again. At the time, I couldn’t come to terms with the fact that it had all happened without my noticing it. Something had happened, it must have, to get me to a place like that. I just needed to remember what it was. Almost more than I needed to forget.

LUCY:              Dude, you moved back in with your parents after graduation.  Do you not remember this?

SAM:               I don’t know. I graduated?

LUCY:              Shut up. Of course you graduated.

                        --gradpic--

SAM:               Oh yes. How could I forget that riveting ceremony.

LUCY:              I can’t believe you haven’t unpacked yet.

SAM:               I’ve been… uh… busy.

                        --THIS-- (sleeping)

                        --IS-- (eating ramen)

                        --ABSOLUTELY-- (watching anime)

                        --UNTRUE-- (crying while writing poetry)

LUCY:              You’re like the fattest, saddest, old man in the world.

SAM:               You’re the fattest… old… shut up.

LUCY:              Will you please get dressed? We’re like a million hours late for the party and you smell like the basement of an internet café.

SAM:               I smell great and you totally love it.

LUCY:              I hate you. Seriously.

New places helped. Like if I could get enough memories replaced fast enough, things wouldn’t be so rough anymore. I was a celery stalk in a cup full of food coloring: tired of being pallid and green. I was new and fresh and ready to be dyed any color the world could dream up. I wanted crimson, indigo, gold. Stains were unimportant.

AND SO AT THE PARTY

SAM:               So what is this place exactly?

LUCY:              Dude, I keep telling you, it’s

--THE WHATEVERITWILLBECALLED—

Remember, I always invited you to parties here in college, but you were always “busy”?

SAM:               Raiding makes me… busy…

LUCY:              Well I’m glad you’re finally coming with. Will misses you tons.

SAM:               Oh yeah… Will lives here.

CLIFF:             Ladies! Happy America Day!

LUCY:              Hi Cliff. It’s nice to see you too.

SAM:               I’m still not a lady…

CLIFF:             Well come on in, guys. The band hasn’t started yet, but there are a million people around.

Sam! What the hell, man, what are you doing with your life?

SAM:               Do you want the full version or the cliff notes?

LUCY:              Trust me, you want the cliff notes.

CLIFF:             Well, with a name like that, how could I resist?

SAM:               Okay. So. I mean…

-

BROKE UP WITH X.

SLEPT FOR A WEEK.

DIDN’T SLEEP FOR A WEEK.

THESIS.

GRADUATED… SOMEHOW.

MOVED TO PARENTS’ HOUSE.

-

SAM:               And then. You know. Stuff.

LUCY:             You forgot the part where you got so drunk at your thesis defense that no one could understand you.

-SO DRUNK-

VAL:                That was the best part! All you did was yell obscenities.

SAM:               Hello VAL.

VAL:                Didn’t you miss me? -hug-

SAM:               Suu-RE!

VAL:                You know what I missed?

SAM:               What?

VAL:                Beer!

SAM:               Sigh.

CLIFF:                         Wait. So. Say again—you’re single?

SAM:               Well, yeah. Have been for about a month now, I guess. At least that’s what Lucy’s telling me.

CLIFF:                         Whoa. You don’t say. Well then—

LUCY:             No Cliff. Doooon’t flirt with him.

CLIFF:                         Aw LUCY, come on, have a little more faith in me than that! I was gonna say he should talk to Jenna. She finally broke up with her Asian lover. You guys would be super great for each other.

SAM:               Is Jenna that girl who came with you to our house last year?
CLIFF:                         Yeah. Remember? We watched movies with you guys. Neither of you spoke to each other like you were in some kind of emotional bubble. You don’t remember that?

-shot of Jenna and Sam on couch, looking awkward.-

SAM:               I remember a lot of rum. And paper mache. And maybe someone blonde.

LUCY:             Sam doesn’t tend to remember much from any of his finals weeks.

CLIFF:                         Well, keep your eyes open dude. You write poetry and she reads more than anyone I’ve ever met.

SAM:               Maybe we could like… trade books! Do you think?! I have a chapbook in my pocket, and—

VAL:                Take a breath, kid. Don’t scare her.

LUCY:              Haha, oh Sam. You should totally go for it. Go have some casual sex. It’ll be good for you.

CLIFF:                         I’ve gotta go get ready to play, but you guys should totally, like, make out or something. Whatever you breeders do.

LUCY:             Cliff, we do the same thing everyone else does. I keep telling you, life on the other side of sexuality isn’t really all that different.

CLIFF:             But it’s grooooosssss.

-Lucy and Cliff wander off-

VAL:                So where is this girl? Are you gonna do it? Is she hot?

SAM:               I don’t know, Val. I’ve only met her once… I guess. I don’t even know if she’ll remember me.

(behind Sam and Val, Jenna walks in. She tries to stand in a natural position and gets ready for Sam to turn around, but she keeps changing the way she’s standing and eventually falls over.)

VAL:                I think she’ll remember you. Here. Have a beer. Chill out. You’re stressing me out with all the cigarettes.

SAM:               Thanks, Val. It is good to see you.

VAL:                It’s good to see you too, Sam. I—

DAPHNE:        (on stage) Good evening you disgusting wads of used up dreams! You’re in Worcester Massachusetts and we’re Skeleton Crew!

-Song-